Christ on a fucking bike. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at everything. Especcially my dieting. What a week it has been. I found out dave has possibly cheated on me, i found out i weigh ten fucking stone. ( disgusting i know) and i feel like utter crap. im on breaking point, i need to loes weight, then things might pick up, who knows? He knows now though, first person to ever hear my admit that i have an eating disorder. its pretty damn weird really. Its nice to have the weight lifted off my shoulders but at the same time it is weird having him watching me whenever i eat or drink anything. but he is only trying to help i guess. Thing is i dont want his help. i want to be skinny again. This is the heaviest ive ever been and im finding it so difficult. I put it all on whilst in america, i cant believe how different the food is there, especcially portion size. i feel disgusting and never want to eat anything with the slightest bit of grease on it again. Im back on pretty thin and this is my mission now to get skinny. Starting from here and now, i cant be fat anymore, thats maybe why dave apparrently cheated. He wanted a skinnier model, who knows? i dont know what to think right now
Love Lily xxxxxxx
"stay strong, starve on"
