im 108ibs. BMI of 16.4. Occording to health websites thats seriously underweight. i know i have a problem. i admit i have anorexia nervosa. But i cant make myself better. im trapped, and im scared.
Everyday "Ana" is embedding herself deeper into my mind. She is the one telling me my plan for the day, 400 calories, two hours excerise. im followed by her all through the day, in college i recount my calories of that day instead of doing my work. i have no control over myself anymore. i smile and suck in my stomach, wear baggy clothes and my hair in a loose pony tail so no attention is drawn to me. on a night, i stare at magazine covers, looking at those perfect skinned, white teethed models, relising i can never look like that.
its so hard, im startign the ABC diet tomorrow. its a 50 day diet where the most calories you can consume is 800, and everyday the calorie intake has to be different so your metabolism quickens.
Bones have started to stick out in places they shouldnt. You can see my spine running right down my back. But im not there yet, i need to lose more. i need to be thinner. But then again, when is it ever going to be enough?
Lily ♥
♥ Stay strong, starve on ♥
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